A Call

Lately, a lot of people have been asking me what I have been doing now that I've finished my degree. And I think about that question it not knowing how to exactly answer in a way that would be most understandable. Surely, the most obvious things would be, looking for a job, going back to school for my masters, or settling down and starting a family. And certainly a majority of my friends are headed down some of the above mentioned paths. Beautiful as they are, I am not. I do not feel that is where I am supposed to be right now. I do not hear God beckoning me down one of those roads. I believe God has something different in mind for me. Permit me the chance to explain before jumping to the conclusion that I have become a directionless "funemployed" hippie, as my friends back in WA would say. If you had a deep theological discussion with me in the recent past, you probably discovered that one of my favorite theologians is Aiden W. Tozer. Currently I am reading one of his devotionals that I would encourage everyone to read, "The Knowledge of the Holy". This beautiful book discusses the attributes of God and urges the reader to seek a deeper understanding of the One who made each one of us. I really enjoy how Tozer incorporates a great number of outside quotes and prayers from other people. One in particular has really spoken to me and I think can explain to a very minute degree the place I'm in. The quote is by Saint Anselm.

"Up now, slight man! Flee for a little while thy occupations; hide thyself for a time from thy disturbing thoughts. Cast aside now thy burdensome cares, and put away thy toilsome business. Yield room for some little time to God, and rest for a little time in Him. Enter the inner chamber of thy mind; shut out all thoughts save that of God and such as can aid thee in seeking Him. Speak now, my whole heart! Speak now to God, saying, I seek Thy face; Thy face, Lord, will I seek."(43 Anselm)

When I read this, I was instantly filled with peace and joy over my present situation. It dawned on me that I have been given the perfect opportunity to hide myself under the shadow of the Almighty, to devote myself in learning His ways and His desire for me. To seek His face!!! By nature I am a person who thinks a lot, sometimes too much. There are moments in my day where I will have so many thoughts going through my mind that I can't fully focus on life in the now. And of course some of those thoughts are not pleasant, or happy, or peaceful. Some of them bring me a lot of stress, guilt, pain, anger. It is not my intent to paint myself a dark person because I have a very happy life, and a great deal of my thoughts are of my family and friends, and a lot of them are deep Spiritual thoughts. But I just want a break from some of those thoughts, the reality of life in a damaged world thoughts. And maybe I can't, I have come to except that those thought just might follow me to the ends of the earth. But God does offer rest in Him! But I feel that these words by, Anselm have been used by God to bring me to place where I can give my thoughts to God. A place where my thoughts can be on Him and not on the everyday things of life, the things that wear us down. I plan on taking advantage of this season that God has me in. To enjoy it until the end, because who knows how long it will last. I am aware that I still have student loans to take care of, responsibilities that are a part of living in this world. I realize that I am called to work the earth! But because of what was done on Calvary, I can toil in this world with the Help of Christ, and man is it good to be with Him. I can't imagine my life without Him in it! It scares me to think of who or what I would be without God.

Continuing the recap!

My time up in Alaska was short, but good! I was only up there for five weeks as opposed to my usual three months. It was a good time of seeing people that I hadn't seen since the previous summer and loving the Alaskan wilderness, a part of God's world that still seems to bear His fresh fingerprint! On September 26th, with fresh snow dusting the tallest peaks, I was able to carpool back to Bellingham with some really good friends from college. It ended up being a great road trip with some good laughs and crazy experiences in the great North. We saw lots of wildlife and witnessed fall in reverse the further we headed south. Golden leaves slowly turning back to green. God knew I needed more of autumn!

After a month of resting and enjoying fall in Bellingham, I flew out to Tennessee to see some of my closest friends. I met Josh, Nate and Rachael my first summer in Alaska (2006), all of us having returned every summer since. Each additional summer we grew even closer, sharing in wonderful camping trips, hikes, barbecues and jam sessions around a campfire . The most beautiful part of Alaska isn't the scenery, it's the long lasting friendships that you make while in the midst of green mountain giants. Anyway, I flew out to TN to see them and to experience Waffle House (a secret goal of mine)! It was a wonderful time of relaxing, enjoying my wonderful friends and their musical talents, and lots of sweet tea! We even went on a short road trip to Asheville, North Carolina and camped in the Appalachian mountains on a bee keepers farm.

But the biggest reason I wanted to fly to Tennessee, was to see my sister, Laura, on my father's side. Due to various circumstances in both our lives, we had never been given the opportunity to get to know one another. I saw this time of being unemployed and out of school as a God-send opportunity to spend some time with her and her family. Despite the desire (or societal pressure) to begin a career and to find my niche in this crazy world, I couldn't fight the obvious that maybe God wanted me to slow down and to listen to what he had to say concerning family and relationships. And I believe with all my heart, He has wanted me to get to know my sister and see the amazing women of God that she has become and the God fearing family that her and her husband have been building together. To be honest, I had no idea what to expect when I met her. The last time I had even seen her was at our brother's wedding seven years ago! But immediately I felt at peace and at home in her home! It was a great week of hanging out with this newly discovered part of my family. We had great discussions and I got to see what her life was like. It was hard to leave, the week had flown by. But I left with the hope that we would see each other again and that this visit was only the first of many more to come. God had been there with us in the midst of healing and learning about each other.

From Tennessee, I flew to Philadelphia and waited for what felt like ages for my brother (Nick) and sister (Annie) to pick me up. I waited outside the airport and even after they called me and we debated over where I was. I found out that i had exited the airport in the departures and my brother and sister were waiting for me in the arrivals section of the airport...where I should have been. This wouldn't have been so embarrassing except that this was the second time I had done this. That was a few weeks ago. Since then I have been spending time with my brother Nick, my sister Annie and my parents. Being here, away from beautiful Bellingham does have it's slow moments. And sometimes it even gets a little hectic and stressful being around various members of my family. But these are the people that God has put in my life, and put there for a purpose. Behind the chaos, hurt and destruction that is so apparent in them at times, I see a child of God, created in His likeness and capable of love.

I see this love the most in my autistic nephew, Ethan. I'll be honest, I've never been comfortable around the disabled and handicapped. I've never known how to just be myself around people that are different like that. In the past, Ethan has always lived with this biological father. Recently, he has come to live with his mother (my sister Annie) and at first it was a real challenge for the whole family. He is a 13 year old energetic little boy and is deceptively powerful. Sometimes the only way to control him, is to sit him on the couch and then sit with your legs draped over his lap. He will then sit still and start to calm down, but the funny part is he grunts as if your legs way as much as full grown elephant. It's his way of trying to make you feel guilty and to remove yourself. He also gets excited when he hears music and has a very unique way of dancing. The closest way I can explain his groove is to compare it to the African tribesman, the Watusi and their rhythmic jumping straight up and down. After spending some time with Ethan, I realize this is a boy with problems and that he needs love. Sometimes it's difficult to love him, but then I remember it's not my love but the love of God shown through me that he needs and wants. Ethan is very capable of love and my family is slowly learning how to respond and how to love him back. So here I am, thirteen days till Christmas and 26 days till I leave for Lisbon, Portugal with my buddy Josh! I'm learning to trust in Him and seek His blessings.

A Speedy Recap

In June, I finally graduated with a degree in English and a minor in TESL (Teaching English as a Second Language). It was a wonderful last quarter of school. I was able to do my student teaching at Bellingham Technical College, working with adult immigrants teaching them English. I found teaching adults English to be extremely enriching and a great deal of fun! But college really did seem to fly by and before I knew it, I was in line to purchase my cap and gown. At the same time, I was more than ready for that chapter of my life to finally come to an end. While I enjoyed school, especially the social aspect to it, I never grew to like the copious amounts of homework and projects. I was ecstatic to learn that some of my family were going to be able to make it for my graduation and to spend a little time just hanging out and exploring the Puget Sound. We had a great time enjoying some beautiful Washington weather and each other.

I had about a week to relax before I began my summer internship with the INN, the same college ministry I had been involved with all fours years of college. It was a real learning experience and a time of spiritual growth for me. It was challenging working with other people and learning how to lead together. Sometimes it required me to humble myself and to deal with things that were hard. It was also a lot of fun planning camping trips, baseball games, and the weekly student gatherings. My favorite part of the summer inn, was meeting new people that were from Bellingham, but going to school in other parts of the country. The internship finished the second week of August and that's when I received the call from my boss up in Alaska. I was offered my job back working on the train for the last five weeks of the Alaska cruise season. So basically as soon as the internship was over, I was packing my bags for another Alaskan adventure, although this time a bit shorter than what I was used to.