A Call

Lately, a lot of people have been asking me what I have been doing now that I've finished my degree. And I think about that question it not knowing how to exactly answer in a way that would be most understandable. Surely, the most obvious things would be, looking for a job, going back to school for my masters, or settling down and starting a family. And certainly a majority of my friends are headed down some of the above mentioned paths. Beautiful as they are, I am not. I do not feel that is where I am supposed to be right now. I do not hear God beckoning me down one of those roads. I believe God has something different in mind for me. Permit me the chance to explain before jumping to the conclusion that I have become a directionless "funemployed" hippie, as my friends back in WA would say. If you had a deep theological discussion with me in the recent past, you probably discovered that one of my favorite theologians is Aiden W. Tozer. Currently I am reading one of his devotionals that I would encourage everyone to read, "The Knowledge of the Holy". This beautiful book discusses the attributes of God and urges the reader to seek a deeper understanding of the One who made each one of us. I really enjoy how Tozer incorporates a great number of outside quotes and prayers from other people. One in particular has really spoken to me and I think can explain to a very minute degree the place I'm in. The quote is by Saint Anselm.

"Up now, slight man! Flee for a little while thy occupations; hide thyself for a time from thy disturbing thoughts. Cast aside now thy burdensome cares, and put away thy toilsome business. Yield room for some little time to God, and rest for a little time in Him. Enter the inner chamber of thy mind; shut out all thoughts save that of God and such as can aid thee in seeking Him. Speak now, my whole heart! Speak now to God, saying, I seek Thy face; Thy face, Lord, will I seek."(43 Anselm)

When I read this, I was instantly filled with peace and joy over my present situation. It dawned on me that I have been given the perfect opportunity to hide myself under the shadow of the Almighty, to devote myself in learning His ways and His desire for me. To seek His face!!! By nature I am a person who thinks a lot, sometimes too much. There are moments in my day where I will have so many thoughts going through my mind that I can't fully focus on life in the now. And of course some of those thoughts are not pleasant, or happy, or peaceful. Some of them bring me a lot of stress, guilt, pain, anger. It is not my intent to paint myself a dark person because I have a very happy life, and a great deal of my thoughts are of my family and friends, and a lot of them are deep Spiritual thoughts. But I just want a break from some of those thoughts, the reality of life in a damaged world thoughts. And maybe I can't, I have come to except that those thought just might follow me to the ends of the earth. But God does offer rest in Him! But I feel that these words by, Anselm have been used by God to bring me to place where I can give my thoughts to God. A place where my thoughts can be on Him and not on the everyday things of life, the things that wear us down. I plan on taking advantage of this season that God has me in. To enjoy it until the end, because who knows how long it will last. I am aware that I still have student loans to take care of, responsibilities that are a part of living in this world. I realize that I am called to work the earth! But because of what was done on Calvary, I can toil in this world with the Help of Christ, and man is it good to be with Him. I can't imagine my life without Him in it! It scares me to think of who or what I would be without God.